So, You’re Still Alive, Huh? Good for You!

(ORIGINALLY SCHEDULED TO POST 12/22/12, BUT, NADA; CURSES, BLOGGER.COM!)

By now you’ve probably noticed the gas mains not exploding, the absence of fireballs raining from on high, the extreme lack of streets buckling and buildings collapsing into rubble. Also, a plane has utterly failed to fall on your boss and the ocean hasn’t risen up and swallowed the coast of California whole.

Mayan Apocalypse? End of Days? 12/21/2012? Meh. We’re all still here, and still very much alive, including your boss, that bastard.

So congrats to you on, y’know, not dying. In fact, here’s a snazzy personalized trophy from all of us at the Real Deal Brazil, to commemorate how pleased we are that you aren’t toast.

Feel free to print it out and tape it to your wall, a reminder of your own continued existential success. And, really, no need to thank us – you and everyone else earned it!

There are definite downsides to this dearth of cataclysm, of course: You few straight guys who might have made it through the staggering destruction and unprecedented loss of life won’t now be able to swagger up to any post-apocalyptic hotties and say, “It’s our responsibility to repopulate the Earth; we owe it to humanity!” and have that line possibly work for ya.

Still, it’s better to focus on the positive here: Not only are you, dear reader, not resoundingly deceased, but you’re also not careening around in smoldering ruins with one leg snapped in half and your head on fire. Great, right? And that’s not even to mention that terrific trophy we just gave ya!

Sometimes, when a widely publicized apocalypse fails to happen, it’s the little things that make it tolerable.

Speaking of which: Us! The Real Deal Brazil! We’re not only still also among the living, but still also the bestest hat to have if ever TS truly does HTF (didn’t get that? Think: a fan, some hitting, and poop). Because the next pending apocalypse typically is just around the corner …

 Personally, we’re hoping it will include zombies.

What Hat Will You Wear to the 12/21 Apocalypse?

Dec. 21. One week from now. That’s it. Boom.

Earthquakes, Volcanoes. Tidal waves. Tornados. Hurricanes. Cities in flames. California plummeting into the sea. Also, an end to the Twinkies, though that was gonna happen anyway.

Just in case you haven’t been keeping up with the Facebook posts from that one creepy-intense guy from high school who always said the moon landings were faked, it’s simple: The Mayan calendar is about to run out, so we’re all gonna die. And no doubt wretchedly, which is generally regarded as the worst way to die.

There is the very faintest chance you’ll live. John Cusack did in that movie 2012, and yet his career’s kinda been in the toilet for a while now. Which means there’s gotta be some hope for at least a few of us, right?

Potential ragtag band of survivors. Lucky for humanity, all are wearing RDB hats.

So if you end up among the ragtag band of survivors entrusted with repopulating the planet, you won’t have the luxury of being dumb. You’re gonna need a good hat. Life in a post-apocalyptic hellscape is a whole lot better with a good hat.

So choose wisely, would-be-survivor. Choose wisely.

Hat Terrific, but Please: No 'Ripe Oyster' Smell

We get the greatest notes and letters. So we give you, in full, this one from eastern North Carolina resident Tracy Sanderson, about her husband, Kevin, the guy in the photo below:

"Dear Real Deal Brazil,

Today, my husband came home from work telling me about a hat that he had found ... in the river.  I thought this was a little strange, seeing that my husband works for the North Carolina Department of Transportation ... and normally works on roads ... not on rivers. My water loving husband proceeded to tell me his hat tale. He had parked the machine he was running and was taking his lunch break. He decided to walk along the rivershore to 'see what he could see.' It was at Adams Creek, which also serves as part of the Intercoastal Waterway (in North Carolina). This body of water is part of my husband's favorite shrimping waters. The tide was out and he was looking along the rivershore when he spotted what looked like a hat. He was concerned that there might be a body along the rivershore that went with the hat. But back in the summer, he and his buddy were out shrimping, and Shaun lost his hat that he had gotten in Australia. Kevin thought it would be cool if he had found it."

A hint from us: It wasn't the one from Australia! So guess what it was! Oh, guess what it was!

Sorry. We already know the ending, and we're pretty easily excited.

Please continue, Tracy:

"Kevin is kind of like the seagull from the Little Mermaid ... he will pick up just about anything. Over the years, he has brought home snakes, wallets, boat cushions ... you name it. All of which he has found on the side of the road. Just last week he found a camera bag with marijuina scales, which was turned over to the authorities. Today, it was a hat covered with mud and river algae. After bringing it home and power-washing it, he discovered the label on the inside that proclaimed it to be a Real Deal Brazil canvas hat. We looked up your website (www.RealDealBrazil.com) and decided to tell you his adventure for the day. We are including a picture, which we wish had scratch and sniff ... so you would be able to smell the 'ripe oyster' smell that is embedded in the hat." (Emphasis is ours; we just think that's funny!) "Kev says the he sure wouldn't mind if you send him a new one ('xl' he says) ... preferably a non-smelly one. But for now, it will serve as an ornament on the wall of Kev's garage man cave."

Oh, and yeah: Kev's absolutely getting a new original Real Deal Brazil recycled-tarp hat from us -- minus, of course, that dreaded ripe-oyster smell. His wife's story is payment enough!

The RDB tarp hat, so you're not SOL WTSHTF

Owners of Real Deal Brazil recycled-tarp hats tend to be a mighty resourceful lot.

Consider amateur-radio operator Mark Reep of Cherryville, in North Carolina's western piedmont, who shared with us these two shots of his own RDB. The first one, immediately below, is of a very cool hat, if we do say so ourselves, embellished with a nifty homemade hatband made from 20 feet of paracord.

"I love my hat!" Mark enthused in the note accompanying the pictures. Nonetheless, he felt it needed a bit more individualizing. Which brings us to the second photo, of the back of the same hat, which begins to tell a more involved story ...

"Had to make it mine," Mark explained, "so I added a few things I might need on my adventures."

In addition to the homemade paracord hatband (added at least as much for its potential survival benefits as its smart looks), Mark sewed a number of interesting items into the hat itself, under the patches already there. Here's his list:


• A water container and purifying tablets

• Fishing line and hooks

• Snare wire
 Knife

• Signal mirror

• Orange tape

• Whistle

• Safety pins

• Magnesium fire stick

• $20

Then, as you can see a bit more readily, Mark also clipped onto the back of the hat both a compass
 and a mini-flashlight.

"I know when TSHTF I better have my hat on!" he said.

And assuming Mark knows how to use all the stuff he's integrated into his RDB, then we reckon we wanna be hanging with him if ever things really do go to straight to hell!

The Real Deal Brazil Reaches New Heights

Real Deal Brazil owner Jeff Walters, from Atlantic Beach, Fla., but now based in Costa Rica, last year set out on one of the greatest, most intense, vacation treks you can take -- and he was nice enough to send us some pictures of his favorite hat and him, up there in the sky! As in the great sky city of the lost Inca empire. The heights of Machu Picchu.

Machu Picchu is, in fact, both the name of a peak in the Andes Mountains, and of one of the Seven Wonders of the World, the abandoned Inca city that holds some of the most impressive ruins on the planet, a 15th-century fortress 7,970 feet above sea level. Way up there where the thin air can make you fall-down sick if you're not used to it.

The two photos that follow show Jeff reaching the end of his journey. It's day four along the fabled Inca Trail, which takes ambitious travelers through everything from cloud forest to alpine tundra, passing through settlements and even tunnels, and offering views of a number of Incan ruins along the way up, up, up, before ending at the fabled Sun Gate on Machu Picchu Mountain.

The photo below is during a day tour through plateau tundra on horseback.

We're damn pleased to have made the journey with you, Jeff! So very, very cool.

Color Us Impressed! RDB Fan Shares Dyeing Tips, Photo of Multiple Successes!

Our hats and bags, handmade in rural Brazil from heavy recycled cotton-canvas truck tarps, hold dye very, very well. So we're always pleased to share our fans' unique successes in deepening a Real Deal Brazil hat's existing color, or embracing a whole new color altogether. And when we get evidence of both at once? We're just tickled, well, a color other than pink! Maybe tea-brown. Or a coffee-black, perhaps ...

Fourfold RDB owner Kevin Johnson is responsible for the sharp color alterations in the photo above, creating an arsenal of RDB hats for any Real Deal occasion!

Kevin also included some specific tips on how to dye a Real Deal Brazil recycled-tarp hat when he originally posted this photo on the fan portion of our Facebook site. Here's what he said:

1) Start light and work your way to darker shades. 2) Mix a couple of tablespoons of salt in with your dyes to make the color set.

light brown.... use tea
Medium brown.... use coffee
Dark brown or black.... use Rit dye
Patchwork.... use some of each and apply with a Q-tip.

That salt tip is especially good. Thanks, Kevin!
 

Your Butt's Safer With Us! Really.

That is, ouch for the Real Deal Brazil Tri-Fold Wallet this guy is holding, but thankfully not ouch for the guy who's holding it!

A few weeks ago, Jeff Turnes was riding his custom 2009 Kawasaki Vulcan in Charleston, W.V., just south of his home in the bedroom community of Sissonville. Working at an auto auction just outside of Charleston, and having grown up only a couple of miles from where he was driving, Jeff knew the streets there well. It was late afternoon, and he was taking a sharp-left turn, going about 20 mph. And maybe, he thinks, he hit an oily patch of road. All he can say for sure is that his motorcycle suddenly started going one way, and him the other, which is altogether a pretty good recipe for things ending badly.

And, just like that, $3,500 in damage to his beloved bike.

That was actually a later pain to his wallet, however. There was also another. One that was a whole lot more dramatic, and immediate.

But let's not get too far ahead of the story here. Because what oh the fate of our new friend Jeff himself? This dad and granddad took a sudden tumble from a moving motorcycle in a curve, after all ...

The most important thing to know is that the bike didn't fall on him, and no other vehicle hit him in the process. Beyond that, we’ll let Jeff explain what did, and didn't, happen, in his own words:

"Fortunately, I was not injured. Partially, I attribute this to the Real Deal Brazil wallet in my back left rear pocket. I was thrown off of my bike onto the hard pavement and, as luck would have it, I skidded on my left backside through my bluejeans and the wallet was partially 'eaten' by the blacktop. I put some duct-tape on my wallet and it works fine now!!"

We tried to get Jeff a new wallet anyway, but he'd beaten us to the punch, having already ordered, and received, another one for himself! He later also updated us on the other aftereffects of his spill:

• The current condition of his bike:
  "I got it all fixed up and even upgraded my seat. I purchased a Mustang seat with a backrest and also a Cobra sissy bar for my girlfriend. Gotta take care of the lady!!"

• His pants from that day:
  "Those jeans are history!!"

• Himself:
  "I was sore but that wallet did save my a$$. Real Deal Brazil......you are awesome!!!"

The Real Deal Brazil: Awesome, yes. And ready to save your own a$$!